April 2012
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Note to self:
The tragic beauty of a moment is that it is momentary; it can always get better and can always get worse.
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sketchy
the reason i love sketches is because of their nature. they aren’t meant to be perfect, nor are they expected to be. you take control of your pencil (or pen if you’re daring) and you let your hand move. of course, you start with a general idea; an objective you wish to achieve. sometimes it comes off rough and other time it’s as fluid as a stream (of consciousness). it’s...
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To anyone who may ever find themselves in LA:
Do not go through the projects at night. Just don’t. It gets too real. Like gunshots and car swarming real.
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#1 Son
I have always tried to stand in a way that would appeal to the likes of my father.
Every time I see his pointed discontent I start to wonder why I even bother.
Everything I do seems to be done in hopes of earning his blessed approval.
But, at times it would appear that, like his spouse, he’d be fine with my removal.
These words may make it seem as though I do not want to love him;
Understand...
March 2012
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i can acknowledge that i am not a godsend; but, i bring something to the table at which we all have gathered. no, it is not the main course; but it is a wonderful complement, without which, the meal would be incomplete.
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Tonight on tinychat:
When I joined, we were five people strong. I came in for cleavage, but it didn’t last long. Luke was in glasses and I was confused. Little hands was silent which left me amused. Then there was Katelyn, my was she spirited. At least til the phone call, then it got weird, it did. Don’t forget Kecia, she was there too! But, best be on camera or she’ll be mad at you. Chris was a...
When I’m insecure or dissatisfied about something, I will cover it up with another post in hopes that people won’t notice my shortcomings. Anyone notice that?
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we constantly separate ourselves from our surroundings. we do everything we can to avoid contact. we are so guarded in regard to our own persons that it is miraculous that we establish any means of connection at all. antibacterials, lotion, undergarments, pants, shirts, sweaters, jackets, and scarves. they’re all just barriers meant to keep things from truly touching us. we complain about...
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my voice is wavering trembling beneath the weight of my own self-doubt. i try to sound assured but it’s obvious that i don’t believe any of the lies that flow from my spout. they aren’t meant to be lies, i want it to be true that i love myself that i care for my well being that i’m destined for greatness. but, there are two things that i have never been good at: seeing my...
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Note to self:
Were it not for the sun, I’d not know where to find the shadows.
I performed tonight!
After I look at the video, I’ll upload it in a couple of days.
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Note to self:
Looking to the clouds only reminds me how grounded I am.
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fragmentality
what am i, really? i’m bereft of actuality, again. what is the purpose of my being here? I just can’t seem to fit in. i’ve found my reflection in the shards of shattered glass, each one with a unique expression, all as broken as the media they inhabited. an optical illusion just trying to fit into this frame distorted conceptions of myself eyes hiding glances that reflect the deceit of...
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curation
you were my favorite painting. you had every detail carefully embedded into the fibers of your blank canvas. i could look at you and smile for hours on end without ever tiring of what i saw. you were beautiful, a masterpiece. now, i’m starting to have trouble looking at you for too long. it seems that the years of being in such a harsh environment have finally started manifesting. it seems...
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i like the way sound washes over my body. i like the way it wipes my mind clean of all the clutter and filth of a day. it’s often said that “music saved my life” and i agree with that. it did save my life, one moment in particular. i was at a low point and i only wanted to be lower. well, deeper is a more appropriate word to use, as i was looking to reach the bottom of the ocean....
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My thoughts on my last poem
[[MORE]]I keep reading it and every time it seems more and more like I’m talking about a blowjob, and I’m not. I don’t know if I like that, haha.
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you sharpen your tongue like the blade of a guillotine poised to strike me in a moment of forced vulnerability; but, i can’t help but be attracted to the way it wags in your mouth. the worse thing is, i already know the blow is coming.
To anon on Jenny's blog:
I am spoken for. Eternally spoken for. I’m sorry if there has been some form of confusion in something I’ve written on my blog, but yea…I’m totally spoken for.
For almost three years actually.
Besides, you don’t want me. I’m a moody writer that wants to be a surgeon. I’ll never be home and when I am, i’ll just complain. Run away while you can (not...
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Southern Fog
“London?” he asked incredulously. “The hell you gonna do there?”
Emma Jean had just dropped the news to her father. She’d dedicated hours upon hours of her life to her education, secretly plotting an escape from her small town home in Hurtsboro, Alabama. She was sick of all the same faces and all the same fake smiles. She wanted to see lights. She felt as though she was being smothered by the...
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Note to self:
If it will pass, let it. Don’t try to catch it again because it won’t be any better than the first time.
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drawers
there are these drawers in my room. each one contains a certain type of clothing. they’re organized by the articles so that things don’t get mixed up. in addition, they are folded up neatly so they can be truly compartmentalized and easily sorted through. at least that’s how it starts. everything starts off neat. in place. logical, sensible, some might say perfect. then the paces...
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There are two poets that keep popping into my head that I miss reading:
sanities-bane
and
starlightstarstruck
Am I the only one? Am I the only one that remembers?
No matter, I miss reading them.
(If anyone knows the whereabouts of said individuals, you should inform me!)
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here’s the thing, i know you love me beyond any measurable doubt; i just don’t get why. that’s it. really, why? i’ve wasted hours of my life wondering what’s left to be admired of me. i want to see what you see so i can find something worthwhile in myself. because as it stands, i can’t even live with me half the time. i don’t know how you could want all...
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hey, i know you
i know you by face. i know you by your hair. i know you by the smile in your eyes. i know you by the way you walk. i know you by your tendency to smile and scrunch up your nose when really, you’d rather laugh. i know that you like to sit closest to the window so that you might glimpse the clouds as they pass overhead. i know your tendency to help those who might otherwise not...
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As much as I love my school, I regret not going to the private schools I got into because I’m not stuck here waiting to graduate when I could have graduated last year.
I hate budget cuts. I hate impacted majors. I hate removed majors. I hate conflicting classes. I hate it all. I just want med school now.
F*ck.
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Let me take you by the hand and do as I had planned like my castle in the sand I would hold you where you stand Let me linger on your lips lay a finger upon your hips and be the one that grips your heart so it never rips.
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Got anything to add to this?
A Facebook Status
Dear Paper, Please write yourself. Sincerely, Me
My Responses:
Dear Human,
I want you all over me.
Love, Paper
Dear Human,
I want you to grab me.
Love, Pen.
Dear Human,
Touch me, over and over again.
Love, Keyboard
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Note to self:
No matter how many times I am broken, I will never truly vanish.
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everywhere i went, i came, i saw, and i conquered. that is at least until i met you, and only made it a third of the way. needless to say, i’ve finished.
Ladies and Gentlemen: I present to you...
lilysofthefield:
Inkstains and Heartbeats: The Collective By: Tumblr Writing Community
A collection of creativity. Featuring 231 pieces and 232 beautiful people.
Paperback: $12.70
Hardcover: $20.45
There’s never enough to read!
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As You Are
I could write you floral arrangements with soft pastels, vibrant reds and deep purples, making them bloom with the sunlight held captive beyond the horizon of your lips.
I could write you into natural phenomenon; making you encapsulate the chaos of a tornado, ripping through my mind like a mobile home, leaving me to sort through the detritus.
I could write you as a light, bringing...
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snot
you’re bad for me; i’ve set up a defense against you getting in. if you breach me, there’s no doubt that you will make me sick. it looks messy and overly unorganized; but, it’s by design. i don’t want to be pretty, clean, or anything else attractive. that defeats the purpose of keeping you out of me. you think you’re gonna find a way to enter, you think...
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Hista-means
They say that April showers bring May flowers
But I say they bring my most miserable hours
Sure, all the colorful beauty is great;
But damn it, the plant life makes me wholly irate
You think I don’t know what you are, pollen?
You’re plant jizz and to me you’re akin to Stalin!
But pollen, it’s not all your fault, it’s partially mine
I’m the one with bad genes, so an apology is in line
But you have...
I hate being barometrically sensitive because I get sick whenever the weather changes.
Like now.
Don’t know if I’m gonna have a poem today…I’ll try though.
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I’m starving and you’re all that can sate me.
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Haiku Series: 515
Watching the stars burst.
So beautiful on clear nights
When seen through your eyes.
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Turns out, I’m really good at beer pong. I didn’t even have to drink.
(which is good because I can’t drink)